(Ed. — A Christmas treat from our very own Shrew)
How The Grunches Stole Our Lunches
Send out an alert to all the people in this nation!
The talking head grunches are on every TV station.
What is a grunch, you ask fast in bunches.
A grunch is a grinch who steals other people’s lunches.
Now grunches operate on a strange shared belief
That because taxing is legal it doesn’t make them a thief.
Grunches, after all, work in great masses
Taking money out of pockets on other peoples asses.
Most grunches work in buildings, like large concrete caves.
These grunches crunch numbers and are drone-like mind slaves.
‘Where do grunches come from?’ Is the next thing you ask.
I’ll tell you my friends; I’m up to the task.
Across this great nation is a thing called an –ism.
It is in every mind, and that –ism is a schism.
A schism is a crack between this way and that.
A wide, deep divide, though some think it’s flat.
On one side industry and independence are praised;
A side easy to choose, if this is how you are raised.
But on the other side of the educational crack,
They believe all has been taken and they want to take back.
Hard work, in the past, was done by others long gone
So it is acceptable to pillage. How could that be wrong?
The system is rigged against some, or so they think
The rich owe their fair share, when others live on the brink
Of an abyss that leads to the poor’s self-destruction.
So they demand their free stuff. (This is their deduction.)
They have named the two sides of this huge national schism;
The left side is Social- and the right, Capitalism.
History teaches that the two sides never can meet,
Though wonks try to build bridges and tunnels beneath.
Our current Big G grunch was raised on the social side
Of the schism that delineates our countries divide.
Now Big Grunch sat in the loftiest seat of them all,
And stared out his window, looking down at the small
Villages and towns across this vast nation.
‘How,’ he pondered daily, ‘do I use regulation?
Why I’ll grow the bureaucracy, this is what I’ll do…
And the officials will praise it for they’ll benefit too!’
And Big Grunch took to lying and selling his fare.
He packaged the growth and called it ‘Grunchcare’.
“Why without the impartial fairness of government grunches,
How else can you taste the same fare as the rich people’s lunches?”
And the people on his side of the national schism,
Cheered his eloquent words and celebrated his wisdom.
But on the other side, where they produce for a living,
People quaked in their boots, for the grunches were giving
The revenue away to people who were cut
Out of the bounty, which the grunches referred to as ‘glut’.
For when profits that are used to grow an economy are called glut
Everyone suffers. The entire system gets stuck in a rut
On the road to success paved with hard work and dreams.
Without capitalists producing, everyone screams
As their options disappear, like thieves in the night
Taking with them all the goods we produced at twilight.
And the grunches, you see, charge a handling fee,
For processing the tax dollars isn’t quite free.
Regulate, collect, and regulate some more,
That’s what government grunches are for.
‘Did you earn something here? We demand our cut!
And you will also be taxed when you spend all your glut!’
And as the dollars filter through grunch government coffers
The pennies disappear, but no grunches will proffer
An exact accounting of every cent spent.
Government, you see, is a very big tent.
Grants go to cronies for services rendered;
Forget about accounting when no goods are tendered!
Fast forward to now, with our credit downgraded,
Our future very bleak and our outlook quite jaded.
From great cavernous halls, where their heels echoed and clicked,
The grunches stood together, with hair hairsprayed and slicked,
And side by side they looked into the cameras and lied,
And fingers-crossed stated that they dutifully tried
To come up with a solution for everyone, but the best
Compromise was to give Big Grunch’s suggestions a test.
They lied about hard work and negotiations galore,
They lied on and on, as they have always lied before.
Soon the taxes will go up and revenue will dip,
And the economy will quickly teeter over the cliff.
What money we have will start getting funny
For it will take nearly a bushel to buy a small jar of honey.
And as the taxes disappear into the caverns of the swamp
The Big Grunch will declare, with all circumstance and pomp.
That more caverns for grunches will have to be built – shovel ready,
For management of grunch dollars should always be steady
Under the direction of smarter than smart government grunches,
And that, my dear friends, is how we lose all of our lunches.
© Anna Bee